Sunday, October 04, 2009

Low Down on the Ho Down

I have a newly Out of The Closet lesbian friend, who I have known since I discovered my own underlying lesbo-longings, had some sapphic-like-quality about her.

On a recent trip to the local gay Hot Spot, Deana, the newly uncloseted friend, was getting to grips with the cheesy music, the raunchy dancing and the Dolly Parton look-a-like drag queens. She was having a blast, and I was happy for her. But half way through the night Deana seeks me out to tell me she has seen a woman who was, and I'm quoting "as fit as Cheryl Cole in her birthday suit". I'm intrigued and ask her to point out this 'fit' looking woman, and I find I'm immediately handing out a warning. I pull Deana to one side and explain that the 'fit' looking woman, is in fact, possessive and controlling when in a relationship. This information was given to me by an ex-girlfriend of the 'fit' looking woman.

Deana is disappointed, then points out another 'fit' looking woman. I nodded and agreed that this woman was good-looking, but had a girlfriend. Then Deana pointed out another 'fit' looking woman, to which I told her that this woman was indeed, a man.

We staggered home, stopping at the 24 hour ASDA to buy ice-cream and donuts, then crawled into bed and concocted the perfect introduction texts to the woman who had given Deana her phone number.

The next morning at breakfast, I thought about the evening and realised a couple of things.

One: Deana reminded me of myself eight years ago. Naive, bewildered, excited, free.

Two: I could have done with a friend like me when I first found my way out of the closet and into the circus that is a gay club.

Three: Every lesbian I know knows every other lesbian, has dated every lesbian, or has dated every other lesbian's best friend.

Four: I need to move city.


StarGazer said...

lol. That's the problem I have here. Everyone knows everyone or has dated everyone, it's just one big circle of MESS.

Lady Wise said...

exactly the same in Edinburgh. EVERY time I meet a new person who is gay, I ask them if they know my gay best friend, Joe, and they always say yes. You guys are so popular!

sounds like your friend is lucky to have you around. I know that Joe really struggled at first and could have done with someone like you.

Trouble.Thinks said...

Good friends are hard to find!