Thursday, September 17, 2015

The Internet Never Forgets.

How does this blog even exist after three years of forgetting I had it?

I'm 30 years young now.




Lactose intolerant.

Former drug user.


Thursday, September 06, 2012

The Bark That Screeches.

It was 2am
My bedroom window was open because it was a warm summer's eve.
I was asleep, probably having impure dreams of Anna Skellern.

When there it was, the noise that was halfway between a screech and a bark. It was loud, it was close and it was terrifying! It woke me up.

I sat up, looked around, checked for monsters, realised there weren't any.... then held my breath to focus on the sound. It passed beneath my first floor window at some speed, it's bark/screach started to fade as it got further and further away until i could no longer hear it.

I sank into my bed, covers above my head, heart racing. If the monsters weren't in my room then were they down my street?

I tried to settled, eventually falling back into a fitful sleep.

The next morning i peeked out my window, no sign of monsters. Perhaps an alien invasion? The news never mentioned any. So i googled the question 'what goes "bark-screech" in the night?'

It was a fox.
No aliens
No monsters
Just a fox.

It could be hotter than the sun in my room, but you can be damn sure i'm sleeping with the window closed from now on.

I thought for sure it was a monster....

Friday, August 24, 2012

No Title.

I don't know if there are more bad people in the world than there are good people?

The reason i'm wondering is because i simply cannot understand how anyone can abuse an animal. How scared must the animal be? How alone and utterly confused must it be when it's being kicked, puched or set on fire, for what? It can't ask, an animal has no way of asking for help, it can't beg or plead for the pain to stop.

I just dont understand, how are people able to live with the things they do? How do they continue to sleep eat & breathe. How? How? How?!

I'm ashamed of people, of the human race, of what we've become. Cowards. Lazy, selfish, spiteful, ungrateful cowards.

The world is a beautiful place.
Its beauty is ruined by the ugliness that inhabits it.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Fifty Shades of Lesbian

Oh I folded like a cheap deckchair.

Despite my better judgement i am halfway through the second record breaking book written by El James, but all i have to say is.... you know you are a lesbian when you read Fifty Shades of Grey and you don't give a flying feck about Christian, but lust after Ana instead.

That is all.

Friday, January 27, 2012

The Blind Date

Should I?
Shouldn't I?
Are Blind Dates EVER successful?

Kinda sorta know someone whom I haven't been formally introduced to who would like to go on a date. I'm dubious. Previous relationships have been entered after a period of friendship, therefore at least SOME knowledge of the person's background/history/personality have been acquired. But a BLIND date?


Lets weigh the pros and cons

it may work
we may like each other
the suspense and excitement
trying something new
a nice evening out
if nothing else I may make a new friend

not knowing
could be walking into my death
she could be rude/racist/ignorant
she may smell bad
we may not get on
she may not like me
I may not like her
she may look NOTHING like her picture
a wasted evening
she's a Gemini

Hmm. The cons outweigh the pros... my mind is made up then, I'm going on a blind date.

Wish me luck!!
Obviously I'm going to need it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Straight Crush

Ahhh the Straight Girl Crush. It has, alas, happened to me. I've been waiting for this. I'd often hear my friends talk about someone they fancied who was unattainable due to sexual preference, but I'd never fallen victim to this unfortunate situation.... until now.

She's tall, she's funny, she has the most amazingly soft (I assume) lips.

Le sigh.

Live to dream.

I'm 26, I feel silly! I shouldn't have 'crushes' I should have 'maturely identified feelings of warmth'. uhm hmm.

Oh I bet she's warm.
She smells good too.

Le Sigh.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Henry obviously wasn't the smartest cat out of the litter.

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Talking Confession.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I talk to myself.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Mind Boggles

It's amazing the types of people I have met in this past year. I never really thought about my circle of friends not being very diverse in any way, career, ethnicity, background etc. But on Tuesday night I found myself sitting around a table with a Portuguese man, a privately educated woman, and an Indian woman. Then there was me. I'd describe myself as being raised at the lower end of middle class.

It's mind boggling how each step the four of us have taken as individuals, lead us to that exact moment around that exact table. What is our common denominator? Pharmacy.... but what if one of us had made a decision that lead us into a different career? Would three out of the four still have ended up around that table?

The mind boggles!

The world is huge, I forget that, but every now and then something snaps me back to how significant everything you do really can be.

J started in Mumbai and came to England to study, she applied for a job in my pharmacy for pocket money, but really enjoyed the job so changed her field of study.

A started in Portugal. He grew up there and studied to be a pharmacist there, but found that the pay was much better in the UK. He was introduced to my pharmacy through a Spanish friend, liked it so much he now works full time.

I answered an add in the paper while looking for a career change.

V's father owns the pharmacy myself, J and A work in.

The mind really. does. boggle!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The breath philosophy

is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our
Breath away

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Air Bed Let Down.

I need to tell you that the pods (see last blog) were a great alternative to sleeping in a tent. Dry, warm and cozy. Just what the Dr demanded!

I think, no, I know that I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but camping is exhausting and it was made worse by having to sleep on the floor.

Why did we sleep on the floor and not take a camp bed/air bed? Good question, and here's the answer. I borrowed a blow up bed from a friend, said friend neglected to tell me that the bed needed electricity to be inflated.... camping generally means you don't have electricity, that's why you go. The bastard! My 26 year old bones creaked and cracked for a week!

I was sitting in front of a waterfall in the Northumberland National Park (where we spent the weekend). It was beautiful, amazing, awe inspiring... I loved it. But I just kept thinking about the ex. It's irritating. It's been five months, she's obviously moved on and forgotten what we had( if we ever had it). I was sitting there thinking of all the promises she'd made, all the plans she told me she had for or future. I think, ultimately it's not her I miss. She did hurt me quite despicably, after all. It's not the time we spent together, her voice or her soft skin. Nope. All of that is tainted by how easily she hurt me.

It's the future I thought we were going to have. We'd talked about it, I'd dreamt of it, she told me she couldn't wait for it. But Now it's gone.

Anyway, someone left a comment and asked me about Captcha plugins? I had no idea what they were so I did a google. I don't have a captcha plugin, if I do, it's provided by blogspot. Google has lots of links of websites that let you download a plugin for free?.... That's the extent of my knowledge I'm afraid.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Pod Accommodation

This weekend I shall be waited on, pampered and spoilt in five* luxury accommodation. Four poster bed, fully stocked mini bar, indoor swimming pool, white sandy beach....


I'm going to be sleeping in a Pod.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Belle De Jour

I recently read the book The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl after it was recommended to me by a friend. I enjoyed the concept of the book, getting a glimpse into the dark and dingy world of a 'lady of the night' type figure. Belle herself is, by all accounts, a dirty cow. Ahem. And she doesn't just stick to the night either. She does weekdays, weekends, lunch breaks....

I made the mistake of reading the book while on the bus to work once. I was at a particularly seedy part about feces and clients wanting said feces on body parts and Belle obliging. I was cringing and ewwing and grossing when I suddenly became aware of my surroundings and the woman sitting next to me. "Good book?" she asked. How could I explain that in the book there was someone being paid, quite handsomely, to shit on someone Else's chest? "Great romance." I replied.

I just hope the poor old woman didn't make a mental note of the title and buy it. I can just imagine her sitting by the fire, slippers on, cup of coco at the ready about to tuck into some hunky Mr Darcy type character whisking away his Elizabeth. Only to find that in the real world Elizabeth is being paid to crap all over Mr Darcy's chest.

Yeah.... never going to watch Pride and Prejudice again without that image in your head are you?!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Heartbreak & Henry

It's been three months now since the ex dumped me and I'm still no closer to understanding why. In her parting speech she told me that she loved me but that the split was best for both of us. How do you dump someone you love?

A million times I've mulled over what she said; "I love you, but...."
I know without a shadow of a doubt, how bad I felt inside, how lost, alone and torn in two I was that I couldn't possibly have inflicted such pain on myself, or her. So I've come to the conclusion that she wasn't in love at all, and she knew it but was too much of a coward to tell me. Unfortunately these past three months have proved to me that I was. Oh well.... live and learn my fellow humans.

On the up side, there's a new little guy in my life. He's ten weeks old and a mischievous little bugger! He's a kitten and his name is Henry. Doris didn't like him at first, but now she's the doting big sister and keeping him safe. I think once she realised that she was still my gorgeous little feline friend and I didn't feel any less for her, she was willing to give Henry a chance. They're now the best of siblings. :)

Mug shot of Henry to follow.... he's a poser!