Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Where's my penis?

I'm watching a documentry about a man who's wife chopped off his penis after years of abuse.

It's very VERY amusing!

I don't blame her, I'd have done the exact same thing.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Hair today....

I woke up this morning with a looming sense of dread, I'd had a shower last night and then gone straight to bed (yes, I'm well aware that rhymed) So, upon waking My hair was super curly, damn the curly-ness!.... it is naturally curly of course, but more so when I've gone to bed with it wet. I try to defy the curly-ness with an incredible invention (honestly I could kiss the person who invented hair straighteners.... but knowing my luck it would be a 50 year old bald man)

So, hair straighteners on and half an hour later, no more curly.... good, but hair fly away and static? Of course! Looking at the clock I knew I had no more time to pacify my super inner-girly-femme, so I made a dash for the make up then proceeded to walk out the front door with my slippers on.... came back five minutes later cursing my utter stupidness.... so now I'm wearing shoes....pants, shirt? Good, set to go.

Sitting on the bus, (she had the car) I was relieved to finally be on my way, but as I looked around me I saw a fair few woman looking just as bedraggled as I was, I found it comforting to know that I'm not the only woman who has to battle with her inner girl before she can leave the house in a morning!.... but throughout the day I began to feel even better about my hair.... it wasn't bright pink, or bleach blonde with the roots showing, it wasn't greasy, it hadn't been cut in a style that could only be described as 'oh so wrong' and.... the best one yet.... I'm not bald!

Sigh, I feel so much better.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

You stink!

I have an extremely strong sense of smell .

It's true.

If I'm sitting on the bus and somebody smells.

Which is more often than not, on a bus, right?

Then I start to feel sick, and if the smell is of a woman's over powering perfume then it gives me headache. I read somewhere that smell is linked with memory... that one simple scent can trigger memories of past experiences or create them. I guess that's true... because of my strong sense of smell I often associate smells with certain things in my life, her scent makes me feel comforted it's familiar and always welcome and it isn't JUST her perfume or soap or shampoo because if someone else wore those things the scent wouldn't have the same effect.

Apparently our sense of smell is 10,000 times more sensative than any other sense other senses like touch and taste must travel through the body via neurons and the spinal cord before reaching the brain whereas our sense of smell extends directly to the brain.

I'm only mentioning this because, a guy I met the other day smelt of an aftershave my brother used to use when he was in his teens.... it reminded me to ring him.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Five years gone.

Y'know, I was in Asda the other night.... I prefere shopping at night because it's less busy, I can't stand busy, but I'm going off topic.

I was wandering down the alcohol isle searching for my favourite drink, but I could feel myself being watched, I turned to find the culprit and was surprised to see a familiar face, although it was a face I hadn't seen in five years.

Shaunna used to be a close friend in school, well, when I say close I mean that she was in the group of people I would hang around with. I was suddenly struck by exactly how long it had been since I left school. It only feels like yesterday, all the memories are so crisp and clear it really doesn't feel like it was so long ago.

I remember in my last year of school I wanted it to be over so I could move on with my life, but I had no idea that year would be so awful.... or that the awfulness would get worse.

My classmates in school weren't blessed with any sort of luck what-so-ever. We were haunted by tragedy, first a boy named Gareth died in his sleep of an asthema attack, then my childhood friend who was also a well liked member of our group was struck by a car and killed, then another friend's mum collapsed and died at a parent and teacher meeting.

But despite all the heartache and despite the fact that five years ago I couldn't wait to leave school.... I now find myself missing it, and the people immensely.

I, never in a million years, thought I would ever. Say. That!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Broadband bullshit!

I made a phone call the other day to my local phone company requesting the broadband package as I'm still stuck with dial-up and only just decided that I was sick of waiting for pages to load....

I know it took me a heck of a long time to upgrade, sue me!

Anyway, I thought this phone call would be pretty simple, I request broadband, they set it up, send me modem, me put it in.... done. No fuss. No fucking about!

I was wrong....

Very VERY wrong.

Things were only simple from one end and that was mine.... I got stuck trying to explain my request to an incompetant man with an indian accent, I couldn't understand him and he couldn't understand me. Great!

Fucking fabulous!

I put the phone down after a phonecall that should have taken ten minutes dragged on for thirty, not a good start hmm? The Indian man told me the modem would be sent within ten days and they would activate the broadband from their end on the day after I'm due to retrieve said modem.

THEN 7 days later I recieve a phone call from an English man informing me that the consultant I talked to didn't know there was a special offer.... buy broadband now pay nothing for a month. I shall recieve a letter in a few days explaining the offer to me. Good.

At least I'm not paying for the fuck up. But it really doesn't get any simpler. I recieve the letter about the free month that states the broadband will be activated on the 16th of January.... I called them for broadband on the 4th.... that is not ten fucking days, pal!

Alas the 16th came.... then it went and guess what? No modem and a broadband connection I can't use.

I called them back, shouted at the incompetant consultant bull shitters. New modem is on its way dial-up reconnected until said modem arrives.

Honest to holy crap, how hard can it be?!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

A Good Relationship.

C'mon, lots of people want to know the secrets of a good relationship, me included, but is there such a thing? I mean, every relationship has it's problems that's a project of different personalities, if you were exactly the same as your partner how boring would that be?

This site thinks it has
101 relationship tips. Some I like and think are very helpful some are not so good.

The second tip was affection which I highly agreed with.
"Playing with your mate's hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you."

The sixth tip I didn't agree with because I love a good debate with a partner of with friends, I actually think it can be fun if not taken too far.
"As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started."

Tip twelve. Just because, I love this tip and think it's overlooked A LOT in relationships.
"Give your mate gifts "just because." The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished."

Tip twenty-seven ' be a kid' is something I never thought could help a relationship, I mean I do this all the time, but I never realised it's significance.
Do not be a prude. There is absolutely no reason why couples at any age cannot get into tickling matches or wrestle on the floor. Do not allow your relationship to grow old and stale.If you have nothing special planned on a Friday night, rent a few games, order in Chinese, plug in the Play Station, and play games.

Maybe go onto the website and have a look, show your partner you care :-p

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Scary Religion.

I saw a documentry the other day, actually it was an advertisement for a documentry that asked a question that made me think.

"Would the world be a better place without religion?"

My first thought was 'of course it would.' I mean, Half the worlds problems are caused by men trying to uphold power of THEIR beliefs, but I wonder how many of them actually believe and how many of them just follow the herd?

I personally am not a religious person, I don't want to follow rules that contradict themselves or live by standards someone else has set for me. I want to make me own choices however wrong they may be.

But.... and it's a tiny butt.

I do think it helps certain types of people to have faith, to believe. It gives them hope in trying times, it's just sad when men, and yes.... MEN in general do such evil things in the name of faith.

These men are so pigheaded that they don't realse the atrocities they comit and the pain they cause others goes against the teachings of the gods they worship so vehemently. Bombing people doesn't help their cause, in fact it only makes others disrespect it.

Well, that was my two pence worth of religious bullshit. Now I'm going to search for chocolate.