Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Telemarket my arse!

Ya'know. I was sitting quietly in my room the other night minding my own buisness when the phone rang. I answered it, as you do, only to hear a completely unfamiliar voice asking me my bank details.

Excuse me?

It was an indian man claiming that he was actually doing research for the bank I was with.

Yeah, pull the other one pal.

He proceeded to witter on for a moment until I got bored and stopped him midsentance, he wasn't very pleased but then neither was I. This is my house. My phone. My bank. MY MONEY.

I told him, as politely as I could muster that unless he got the fuck off my line I'd pull the plug on my personal alarm and hold it to the phone.

That seemed to do the trick. I don't think he wanted to mess with 140 decibells.

After my little stint with the indian home invader I came online and did a little research, found some intresting statistics too.

1) 56% of the people targeted by telemarketers are 50 or older
2) Charities make more money from selling your name and number to the other telemarketing companies than from the donations they collect from calling.
3) Telemarketing is a $400 billion a year business.

Interesting, so remember if you think it's too good to be true then it usually is.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

'Kev' - 'Bev'

I did something stupid today, but more so than any other day although I find myself thuroughly amused by it.

You know the AA avdert about car loans where the old Kev and Bev see the their alter ego in a new car that they want and when they see eachother they all say 'Kev' - 'Bev' for a few minutes?



I was in a sports shop with my friend when a woman walked passed me holding a pair of trousers in the air and shouted 'Kev' I mean... what was I to do? I had to shout 'Bev' it was only natural! She wasn't very amused but I was..... I still am lol!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Not so dead.

Have you ever had an experience that left you thinking. What the fuck?



When I was eight my brother Darren and I went to our nan's house with my two cousins, Sarah and Claire. We were all sitting in my nan's bedroom watching the tv and talking, just messing around in general when a picture of my uncle, who had passed away about a decade before, all of a sudden fell off the tv.

My cousin Sarah picked the picture up and put it back on the tv and no sooner had she done that it began to move towards the edge and fell off again, this happened out five times before my nan turned off the tv thinking perhaps the vibration of the sound was causing the picture to have a major spaz attack. But even then the picture kept falling as though somebody was purposefully pushing it towards the edge.

After a few minutes we began to get scared, I mean, pictures aren't living things! How often to inanimate object spring legs and commit suicide off tv's?

Yeah, not often I can tell ya.

So, sufficiently scared my nan instructed Sarah to place the picture in a draw, which she did and we all sat quietly, not sure what to make of the situation. We were just about to breathe a sigh of relief when all of a sudden a red toy car that had been sitting next to the picture on the tv, flew at me! I think it is safe to say I shit myself although my reaction wasn't quite dramatic, I just froze.

About twenty minutes later my brother and I decided that was it. We were going home and we were going to run faster than road runner to get there. Upon our arrival we hurried into the house, our mum and dad were waiting for us and out auntie was visiting. Our story came out in a fluffy of fear, excitement and disbelief. I think it is safe to say that our parents thought we were crazy.

Except, after about the third time we told them what happened, dad called our nan, she confirmed it and we all sat at the table discussing it. After a while my auntie's eyes went wide and she suddenly asked my dad when he was going to drive to Aberdeen for work. He told her he would be leaving the next day in a red estate car, then he realised what she was getting at.

Before my dad went to work that day he checked the car throughout and found that the breaks weren't working. If he had driving to Aberdeen in that car he could have died.

So I think I'm a firm believer in ghosts and nobody is going to convince me otherwise!

Saturday, November 19, 2005


I went on holiday recently, the island was absolutely beautiful and the atmosphere was relaxed. The destination? Lanzarote.

I decided I wanted to write about it because it was just so amazing! I went with my uncle and his boyfriend, yes I said boyfriend. They were... for want of a better phrasing... a pair of queens. The boyfriend inparticular moaned about everything, from the heat to the sand. Apparently it wasn't white enough.

Whatever arsehole!

Anyhow. Despite the company I still managed to have the best of times and couldn't find one fault, although cockroaches are unpleasent I cannot blame the people or the place, they are just one of lifes annoying critters.

My uncle and I amused ourselves for a few hours when we walked past a supermarket selling exceptionally cheap rubber rings, like excited children we purchased some and made our way to the sea, after almost two hours paddling our way from one side of the beach to another, MY ring broke. It began to deflate I was sure I was about to drown. I didn't, obviously. Looking back it was funny, but at the time I was terrified. All my uncle could do was laugh. Charming!

As we were staying for two weeks (great two whole weeks with a pair of queens, just my luck.) We decided to go on a trip, one particular trip caught my eye and I decided I just had to do it. Fuetavetura ANOTHER canary island within boating distance and somehow even hotter then Lanzarote, it was beautiful also, but somehow didn't quite posess the atmosphere of Lanzarote, maybe because it was mostly full of Germans (no offense if you're German, but you do not make very good tourists)

The boat we used to go island hopping had a glass bottom resulting in the most amazing sights, the fish swam obvliviously as I snapped away. The picture, like the holiday, ended up much better than I thought it would. Despite the queens :-)

Friday, November 18, 2005


I like Amber Benson, I don't know why, but I do. My friends think it is a little odd, but I do not care! I DO NOT CARE!
I met Amber Benson once at a 'simply amber' convention in London at a posh hotel I think it may have been a Radisson Edwardian. Very posh indeed. Amber was very polite, funny, witty and stunning. She did her very best to sign the hundreds of autographs and more that people asked for and she charmed everyone in the room with seeimgly very little effort despite her shy nature.

Someone in the audience happened to ask Amber what her favourite swear word was (as Amber has a very dirty mouth) to which she replied with a blush on her cheek 'cunt' Everbody was shocked including Amber herself, her mum, who happened to be standing at the back of the hall, wasn't phased at all. Sombody with another question, or rather a comment as it turned out to be, told a delighted amber that.

"When my sister and I are angry and want to vent a little, but cannot swear for fear of our mum hearing, we say "C U Next Tuesday" (get it? Wink wink)

The very beautiful Amber Benson has now adopted that phrase as her own.

So, I shall continue to adore Amber Benson. I am not obsessed, nor a fanatic. I just show my support for a very talented woman.... So there!

Thursday, November 17, 2005


First, I hate that word 'necessary' I can never spell it. Secondly, I suppose it is a word that well describes the necessity of things. :-P

So what is necessary? Perhaps eating and drinking. You'd die if you didn't.

What isn't necessary? Perhaps sitting on a unicycle, pedelling with one foot and using the other to throw breakfast bowls onto your head, 31 bowls to be exact, yet one woman took it upon herself to do just that, what would that particular skill be used for? I wonder.

Read an article

Maybe I should develop a skill that would never serve me any purpose.... how about if I learnt how to stop breathing? Would that be 'necessary' though? lol

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

People On The Bus

Sitting on the bus today on my way... well, somewhere. I found myself thoroughly confused by the actions of one passenger. he was an elderly man, barely able to keep his balance as the buss travelled along it's route yet he insisted on standing up.

The seats on the bus are in twos, two people can sit on them and while every seat was occupied with at least one person, that still left plenty of seats for others.

Yet, instead of sitting, this clearly stubborn elderly man struggled to keep himself upright for fifteen minutes JUST because he wanted two seats all to himself!


So by the time the bus came to it's last stop I'd bet he didn't have the energy to carry out the task that he had left the house for.

Other funny things I noticed on the bus.

1) If there are empty seats next to women, men will NOT occupy them.
2) The isles are so small that if you're carry a bag you are more than likely going to unintentionally (or intentionally) smack somebody with it.
3) When a driver breaks all passengers nearly end up through the windscreen.
4) School children will NOT been seen dead sitting on the bottom deck.
5) Children find it their lifes mission to scream as loud as possible until they get off the bus.
6) Old women insist on talking to you and telling you how cold it is.

First blogging experience

I'm somebody with many thoughts, I can sit for an abundance of time staring into space and thinking about nothing and everything. My thoughts filter in and out of my head but on rare occasions particular thoughts stick, so I'm going to 'blog' them so once they have gone I can look back and think about how utterly stupid I am.

A very valid passtime, I thought :)