Such Pretty Colours!

I'm so sleepy!

I have Cystitis, yet again, but because I'm allergic to the strongest antibiotic that gets rid of it, my doctor has given me the maximum dose possible of another antibiotic.... and it's knocking me out!

I have to take one 100mg tablet four times a day. That means I'm sleepy allllll day. And I end up in this state of idiocy where I just feel limp and stare. It's hilarious.

Today I short changed a customer by £2 pounds, fell over an empty cola bottle on the bus, put my colleagues fleece jacket on instead of my own (he's a man and much, much larger than me), burnt my tongue on my bosses cup of tea because I thought it was my cup of water, and sent the wrong text to the wrong person.

I am *so* blaming the tablets. It's their fault that I'm more ditzy than normal, right? Right? Right!

It so is!

Seven 3rds.

So, it's November, the fireworks are banging every night leading up to the 5th. At work we stood quietly inside the shop, watching as the firework display at the marina a few streets away made the sky look glittery. So many colours! Pinks and blues and greens and yellows!

They were pretty.

I haven't stood and watched fireworks in years. I haven't particularly enjoyed bonfire night either. I tend to stay indoors where there is only muffled hissing and whizzing and banaging.

I suppose it's nice though. There's something amazing about total strangers, hundreds of them, standing around a fire. All watching in awe as the sky lights up with every colour you can imagine. The cold air (that smells of hot dogs) making your breath look like smoke as you speak.

I haven't enjoyed bonfire night for seven years because each time, I remember that just two days before this celebration, I had lost my best friend.

This year it's 7 years, last year it was six, the year before that it was five. Time passes, and you deal with it. But when it comes up to that time of year, you can't help the memories filtering through your head. The laugh. The smile. The eyes. The hair. The clothes. The machines. The crying. The swelling. Knowing the person they were.... wishing you could know the person they were to become.

I won't attend a firework display this year, either. But who knows. Maybe in another 7 years I'll be ready.

Leave a Message

Sometimes, when the phone rings and I have a sense that it is my Auntie Maria calling, I don't answer it just so I can hear the funny message she will leave on the answering machine........ then I'll ring her back.

:-)

Knock Knock

Is this reality?

Is this the life I had when I got on a plane two weeks ago and left everything behind?

Well, I'm going to change that and that and that and.... yep, that too.

My holiday was fantastic, my uncle's 30th birthday was absolutely amazing, my tan is, uh, peeling, my head is clear and I feel refreshed.

I always used to say that I couldn't live somewhere other than England, but I admit I have changed my mind. I could live in Lanzarote. We hired a car for four days and travelled around the island. We saw things that, as a tourist, you don't get to see on day trips or excursions. We had a foam party with the locals, we fished on a catamaran, we went to Lanzarote's highest point and saw the surrounding islands in all of their beauty, we drove through villages, we learned new words in Spanish, we made new friends, we swam in the sea watching as the sand engulfed our toes through the crystal clear waters. We laughed, we danced, we sang, we ate.... a lot.

My uncle Simon turned 30 while we were away, so my mum joined us during our second week to celebrate with us. That day we had the hire car (which was a new Vauxhall Astra!) and visited Papagayo beach. It was very picturesque, set in an alcove with clear blue sea and white sand. After that we went to see Famara, a famous surfing destination with views of cliffs and neighbouring islands. My uncle was living a dream, these were two places he had never managed to visit during his three previous trips to Lanzarote. We then went back to our apartment to shower and dress up in our best clothes, then headed out to a three course meal in an amazing Spanish restaurant. His day was perfect, I'm glad I was there with him.

I did, however, come home to recieve some terrible news. I'm just letting it sink in at the moment. While I have been away, escaping from reality, my friends have been here, dealing with it. I hope my break has given me the strength they need for me to help and support them.

I have more to say, and shall update more (and add pictures), but I have been up since 4am, and travelling for 8 hours. Perhaps it's bedtime for me? Or more cuddles with my cat, Gizmo.... plus I need to apply aftersun to my lovely golden tan *smug* teehee!

Going Nowhere

Sooooo there's a new TV show I like. It's called South of Nowhere. It's about a family who move from a small town in Ohio to Los Angeles (not that that makes much difference to me, I'm from the UK. Uhraaa!). Anyway, the family has a daughter who is figuring out her sexuality with the help of her "friend", they have opposite personalities, hopes and dreams, but that only makes their on screen relationship more compelling.

I must admit that I like watching a TV show with lesbian characters. I guess maybe that's because it's nice to sit and watch a story that has people like me in it. Where you can be immersed in the plot without thinking "eww that dude has too much hair on his chest". Yes, that's what it is.... I don't like hairy chests.

The actresses are obviously very gorgeous, as actresses tend to be these days, so there is the eye-candy factor too.

Annnnnnd on another topic, tomorrow I'll be getting on a plane to be somewhere else for two weeks. I don't feel excited now my holiday is here, I just feel nervous. I really do hate planes, and flying.... flying planes!

So I shall take a deep breath (takes deep breath) and then breathe out (breathes out) and think about all the lovely sun and sangria and sea I'll be surrounded with while I'm there.... oh, look at that I feel better.... oh no, no I thought of flying planes again....

Well, off I go. There's a case that needs to be filled with things that I probably don't need but won't realise until I get there. I hope everyone is well and stays safe.

Goodbye blog!

Tattoo Pictures!

Laying there getting it done. Ouch!

The result

My sister's tattoo

I Did It!

I got the tattoo yesterday. It's a little larger than I realised, but I like it.
My little sister also got the same tattoo on her back, going down her spine.
Considering I knew that a man was going to be dragging a needle down my skin, I wasn't the slightest bit frightened. My sister was, though, and I suspect I was putting on a brave face for her. When we got to the tattoo studio she wasn't sure that she would go through with it, but once she saw that I was able to do it (and I fibbed a bit and said the pain wasn't too bad) she got up the courege to do it.

Now we are forever marked with our sister's name. She better like it lol!

I will post pictures soon.

Tattoo!

I made a model of what my tattoo will look like. It says "Gemma" in the first two characters, then in the bottom two it says "Angel". I have checked and checked, and they seem to be the right characters.... so all being well, I'll have this done by the end of next week.

White Wedding

It wasn't a very nice day for a White Wedding yesterday as the weather was windy and wet, the wedding went ahead anyway and my cousin, Beccy, married her boyfriend, Vinny. The wedding was nice, boring though, as they tend to be. She giggled through her vows and that set off the groom, resulting in everybody giggling. That's a nice way to start a life together though, isn't it? Giggling.

As I sat and tried to make myself comfortable on the big wooden benches, I noticed two girls turning and looking at me. It was quite unsubtle, but I just ignored it. There were a lot of family members I hadn't seen in a while (my family is huge!) and I just suspected these two girls may be family I didn't recognise.

When the vows were over and the papers had been signed, I started making my way out of the church with the crowd of people who had attended, I heard someone say my name quite sheepishly, so I turned to see who it was. It was one of the two girls that had been staring at me. (I say girls, but they were in their 20's). Quite rudely I couldn't figure out who the person was, so I asked if I knew them and their reply was "I hope so". And then it clicked, this person did look familiar, well she should, she was one of my closest friends in school!

Katie, her name is. The last time I saw Katie was on the last day of school. It was a shame, but we were both going through a very hard time and simply lost touch. Well, now we have swapped numbers and have arranged to meet up to talk about old times. But what are the odds that she would be friends with my cousin, and neither of us know it?

Have you ever wished you could turn back the clock simply so you could jot down someone's number before you both got lost in the mess that was your lives? Well I always used to think that way with Katie. Her and I always just clicked with one another, and even though six years had passed between us, it only seemed like 6 minutes.

I am so glad we finally bumped into each other. Now I will never have to wonder what happened to her, because I will know, because she is my friend again.

Keep Austin Wierd!

Look look look! Look what my friend deeb gave to me. *spaz* She sent it in a big box, in a pink bag with a bow on, and with a postcard/letter thing inside too! The box was a bugger to get into though. *glares at deeb* teehee! Deeb is great!

I owe her lots of chocolate.

Haircut by a Stranger?

I was sitting in Trinity Square waiting for someone to arrive at 10:30 this morning, and while I was waiting I decided to reply to a text. Because I was replying to a text I wasn't paying attention to the girl making her way towards me. By the time I had sent the text the girl was sat beside me with a nervousness about her that made me wonder.

She then proceeded to tell me, blushing all the while, that she had recently qualified as a stylist and was looking to gain more clientele, and she would therefore give me a free hair cut.

What? WHAT? What do I say to that? lol!

The best I could muster was that I was growing my hair so that I could have it cut into a style before I went on holiday. She nodded her head, then stood and walked off, so I shouted her back and said that if she had a business card, or gave me her number, I would gladly give it to my friends as a sort of word-of-mouth thing. She beemed at me and gave me her number, then proceeded to walk off, leaving me there in shock.

Why do these odd things always happen to me?.... Not that I mind because she was incredibly beautiful.

No Souvenirs

I have a memory box.

The particular box itself is nothing special, I got it for Christmas one year and it had Dove soap and bath foam in it. But the box has stars in lovely colours on it's lid, so I kept it. Then one day I realised that I had a habit of saving things of significance. Things that I knew would remind me of a particular event in years to come, such as Cinema tickets, train tickets, receipts, etc.

The box is getting quite full now. Most of the things in it are from my holiday to Lanzarote two years ago, and it'll no doubt get fuller with things from my upcoming holiday this year.

I sometimes look at the box, and wonder if when I'm older, I'll sit and look at it's contents with love and happiness. Each item holding a piece of my memory in the contours of it's material. Memories that I may have forgotten if I hadn't of kept a keepsake.

Maybe I'll be able to explain the reasons for keeping these items to friends and family to come. It'd make a great topic of conversation, I'm sure.

Or, maybe, if I ever reach 90 years old, and I'm sitting in a nursing home, I'll remember that I had lived. I had done, laughed, seen and been. And each one of the things in my memory box, held a time in my life where I was young and wreckless. But no matter how young or wreckless I was, I took notice enough to appreciate what life was giving me. And these things are in my box.

Ghost Hunt!

>>>> Watch Most Haunted at The Golden Fleece <<<<

I went! I went on the scary boogie-man night in The Golden Fleece. It was an amazing night, and so much fun. I kept feeling naughty though, because we were up all night doing a Ghost Hunt and everyone else was tucked up in bed. We had the run of the place as we had paid over £300 for the night for every guest room in the pub, that was four rooms, and boy were they creepy! They even had that 'old building' smell. The equipment was amazing! We had Night Vision cameras, EMF Meters, walkie talkies, temperature gauges, trigger objects. Everything!

There were fifteen of us and we alternated between rooms in groups of five, just the names of the rooms were creepy enough as they were named after people in the 17th-18th century who used to reside in them. Saint Catherine's room (The ensuite facility for this room is housed in a secret room, only discovered in April 2000 having disappeared from plans and drawings for over 200 years.) Lady Alice Pecketts room, The shambles and The Ministers Suite. Over the years, as it's such an old building there are some truly terrible things that have happened there, and you can feel that when you walk in.

The Ghost Hunt its self didn't reveal anything spectacular, except a vase of pot-puree flying off the fire place, knocking on a wall, a dog barking and a cupboard door opening...... nope, nothing spectacular or scary at all........ [/sarcasm]


Now for the breathing issue. It got worse on Tuesday, so I rang my doctors surgery at 1pm, told them that I hadn't been able to breathe properly since Friday, and the next thing I know they've booked me in to see the doctor at 2:45 the same day. I went to the appointment and the doctor did a full check, he listened to my chest, took my temperature, made me breathe into one of those hallow tubes (he said my result on that was very good). I told him about my allergy to pollen and that I'd been told I had asthma a very long time ago, without any asthmatic symptoms since then.

My doctor told me that he thought I was having a panic attack! I laughed at that! A panic attack? For five days? Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaat? I specifically told him that I was NOT a nervous person and that I had nothing to be nervous about. I had just been on a Ghost Hunt for goodness sake, don't you think if it was a panic attack it would have become uncontrollable when I'm being scared shitless? He seemed to agree somewhat reluctantly then suggested that perhaps it was muscle spasms in my chest, he then listened to my chest a few more times and said I seemed tense, so he prescribed me with Diazepam. I picked them up from the pharmacy, but refused to take them and insisted on trying an inhaler instead, which he gave me. We'll see how I do with that.

Goodness me, this is long. Teehee!

I WENT ON A GHOST HUNT! YAY!

Picture Perfect.

Click on an Image to make it larger.
These are pictures I took using my mobile phone, I just thought they were pretty.

So, it's May. We're five months into this year and the time has just flown by. I have no idea where it's gone, to be honest. So many things have happened, but it all seems like such a blur. Maybe the way is not to take every day as it comes? But to take every month as it comes. Time goes by so fast sometimes that a month can seem like a day anyway.

I took lots of pictures of things I thought were pretty whilst I was out the other day. If I have time today, then I'll upload them.

All About the WITIK.

Sigh. I'm going to amend this because there are one or two words that weren't deserved and were not fair, at least.

I have been biting my tongue. Keeping this in so as not to "hurt" you anymore than you claimed I did. But, I've come to the conclusion that I didn't. How could I? How could I have hurt you when I was with you? When I was talking to you, when I was texting, sharing, living, laughing.... with you? How? Please tell me that, because I don't know.

I've come to the conclusion that I didn't.

I want you to acknowledge that you're a cowardly fucker! I want you to know what you did wrong, god knows you didn't have a problem putting all the blame on me.

I'm not perfect. I know that and I readily took responsibility for things I knew I could have done differently. As for the things I didn't know? Well, I blame you for those because you didn't tell me what they were. And don't give me the excuse "I felt like I couldn't tell you how I felt for fear of losing you". That is no excuse at all, because if you thought you could lose me over something like that, then you would have know I wasn't worth it anyway. Or perhaps that's why you "stopped yourself from falling for me"? Because, to you, I wasn't worth it.


Point A) You flirt with anything that moves because you like the attention. That made me insecure.

Point B) You tossed me aside and expected me to still be your friend.

Point C) I have absolutely no idea what goes on in your head. Be your friend? After that? Would you?

Point D) You never asked me anything. Anything at all. I would have told you. You know that. I had told you many times to just ask, I also remember telling you that asking was a part of getting to know one another better. Ha, no.... not you. You don't ask then go find somebody else because you didn't have the answers you wanted.

Point E)It seems to me that you thought of nothing but your own feelings. How everything affected you. What I was supposedly doing to you. It never occurred to you that you were doing wrong by me?

Point F) You disregarded my feelings completely. You were so busy looking out for yourself that you never stopped to consider what would happen if you were wrong.

Point G) If you had stopped feeling anything for me three months ago, then why on earth did you let me send you a valentines card? Which was in FEBRUARY?! With something that was personal to me in it? The card said you were special, yet you said you had no indications from me?

Point H) You gave me no chance.

Point I) You have a million excuses for your actions. An answer for everything. Well then, answer me this. How could you have even entertained the notion of falling for me if I was so difficult to live with?

Point J) Why only tell me you had stopped yourself from falling for me when you were "becoming involved with someone else"?

Point K) I'll tell you why, because you were secure in the thought that as soon as you dropped me, you had someone else to run to. You didn't want to rock the boat until you were certain this someone else liked you also.

Point L) When I quit my job and needed you most, what did you do?.... Answer: This.

Point M) You expected me to share my feelings with you, but you didn't share yours with me.

So these are my points. These are what I think. These are all the things you have made me think of you because of your words and actions. These are why I can't be your friend now. Although, I would really like to know how you expect me to be your friend, after everything? I mean, sure, we talked for a year, but if this is the outcome of all that time, what is there to salvage?

And if I was so bad to you, why would you want to be friends with me anyway?

Beats me.